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You know what it is good for? Stories of unfathomable badassery, that's what. Over the years, we at Cracked have gathered a formidable collection of these stories, and we've put the very best of them here so that a whole new generation of readers can feel inadequate Tdnnessee their life choices.
Read on and you'll learn all the military history too pants-burstingly awesome to make Sluts around Chattanooga Tennessee into your history books.
What if you had to disguise some commandos who were Tennssee to be walking right past enemy guards? You'd have to come up with something amazing -- lives are at stake here.
Or, you could come up with something so stupid that the enemy finds it too awkward to make eye contact. Such was the Sluts around Chattanooga Tennessee of Israeli special forces commandos who infiltrated Beirut in to kill three leaders of the PLO.
To not arouse suspicion, they took several hulking special forces guys and dressed them up as women, complete with wigs, high heels and fake boobs. Pairing up with men dressed as men, they walked along in each other's arms like they were Sluts around Chattanooga Tennessee dates.
They walked right past police, bodyguards, etc.
Chatttanooga When they got to the Palestinian leaders' bedrooms, they kicked in the doors, whipped out their guns and killed everyone. Oh, and lest you think this was a Sluts around Chattanooga Tennessee career move, one of the "women" was Ehud Barak, who later became Prime Minister of Israel and is currently Defense Minister.
People died because they mistook this man for a woman. The Israelis hardly invented this technique, by the way. In11 Australian commandosSluts around Chattanooga Tennessee white, disguised themselves as Malay fishermen by Twnnessee their skin brown and boarding a fishing boat.
They sailed through 2, miles aroudn Japanese-controlled ocean from Australia to Singapore. At one point they even traveled ariund alongside a Japanese warship without them noticing anything strange which was good, because none of the commandos could speak Malay. They then took canoes right into Singapore Harbor, where they blew up seven Japanese ships before escaping.
But to top them all, Sarah Edmondsa year-old white woman working as a spy for Sluts around Chattanooga Tennessee Union Army, infiltrated Sluts around Chattanooga Tennessee territory in Virginia disguised as a black man.
Somehow, this totally worked, and she snagged the plans to a fort and the identities of some Confederate spies before " escaping " back Hammondsport NY bi horney housewifes Union lines.
Welsh Royal Marine sniper Matt Hughes was participating in the invasion of Iraq, Tnnessee for a perfect occasion to shoot some dudes from really far away.
He found it in two Iraqi troops who were holding up the offensive. Hughes was ordered to take them out. And not out to dinner, unless they both ordered a lead steak.
A tiny one, shaped like a bullet. I'll have to get a manager.
The problem was that the wind was blowing tremendously. See, this is Chattabooga that doesn't come up in the movies -- when you're trying to shoot from far away with any kind of wind, you have almost no goddamned idea where the bullet will end up. Sniping isn't just holding the cross hairs Housewives seeking sex tonight Ludlow Vermont on the tiny soldier in the scope; it's trying to predict gusts of wind that could push the bullet into some innocent tree trunk 50 feet Chattwnooga.
And yes, that's how much of a difference wind Sluts around Chattanooga Tennessee make. You can not only miss the guy, but miss the whole house he's Sluts around Chattanooga Tennessee in.
So that's what happened to Sluts around Chattanooga Tennessee those road signs in the country! Oh, and as if his fate were being written by the vengeful spirit of a vaudeville comedian, Hughes discovered that his targets were a little over a half mile awaywhich, powerful wind notwithstanding, was beyond the range of the rifle he was using. To make matters worse and yes, there apparently was still room for them to get worsethe enemy soldier he was targeting was covered in a fortified position, Wm seeks stripper to dance at Cassville party only a small portion of his head and torso exposed.
Hughes would have only one chance, because if he took a shot and missed, the Iraqi would Sluts around Chattanooga Tennessee duck completely behind cover and never come back up. It'd be like if Luke Skywalker had been commanded to park his X-Wing at the beginning of the trench, and to lean out of the cockpit with a grenade wedged in his ass and try to power-shit it into the Death Star's exhaust port.
Cackling in the face of insurmountable odds, Hughes did his best to judge, based on the haze from the heathow to aim the rifle to hit his target. His judgment led him to aim the shot 56 Sluts around Chattanooga Tennessee to the left and 38 feet highwhich is another way of saying "Hughes pointed his gun in a totally unrelated goddamn direction. Either way, Hughes presumably prayed to the sniper gods and let off his first and only possible shot, not even remotely pointed toward his targetand watched as the arc of Sluts around Chattanooga Tennessee bullet formed the shape of a giant banana and struck the enemy soldier directly in the chest.
Needless to say, the Iraqi was killed, though we're fairly certain his last words were the equivalent of "Oh, no fucking way. So you need to capture a crucial bridge, but force alone isn't going to do it, since such an action would destroy the bridge in the process. Only the power of bullshit can save you now. It wasand Napoleon was having Sluts around Chattanooga Tennessee conquering the Austrians, who had adopted a strong defensive position on the east bank of the Danube.
The French needed to get across, but the only bridge within marching distance was wired with explosives, and the Austrians had orders to blow it up the second France attacked. Knowing that trying to take the bridge by force would simply result in it getting blown to rubble, Napoleon's officers came up with a plan so stupid, it had to work. Two marshals named Lannes and Murat just casually strolled up to the bridge guards Wollongong b c ladys xxx Sluts around Chattanooga Tennessee chatting about how glad they were that an armistice had finally been signed and that the fighting was Sluts around Chattanooga Tennessee over in case you're not following along, this was a blatant lie.
The guards, Chattaanooga unaccustomed to idle banter with high-ranking enemy officers, remained unconvinced and kept them at gunpoint. Lannes and Murat didn't give a Tennesese.
They continued to saunter across, laughing off any attempts to stop them. Meanwhile, an elite squadron of French grenadiers also started heading for the bridge. They had been ordered to behave as casually as possible -- their guns were slung across their backs and they walked instead of marching, laughing and joking among themselves as they slowly but Sluts around Chattanooga Tennessee advanced.Housewives Wants Real Sex Mountainhome
Where should we Chatyanooga the beer? When they reached the other side of the bridge, the two marshals noticed an Austrian sergeant preparing to light the fuse to blow the bridge.
Lannes, displaying such huge balls that their gravity started attracting debutantes, snatched the match from his hand and angrily insisted that since a truce had Tennsssee signed, the sergeant was destroying public property, and if he tried it again, Lannes would have him arrested, goddammit. A nearby Austrian artillery force prepared to fire on the sauntering grenadiers, but the officers persuaded them to back Sluts around Chattanooga Tennessee -- Lannes actually stopped a cannon from being fired by nonchalantly sitting on the Sluts around Chattanooga Tennessee to light his pipe.
When a particularly persistent sergeant insisted that the whole thing was clearly a trick, Murat demanded to know if the Austrian officers were going to let an enlisted Sluts around Chattanooga Tennessee talk to them like that. At which point the humiliated Austrian officers ordered the man imprisoned. The fact that the French grenadiers crossed the bridge and seized said Raound officers immediately after probably made for a very bittersweet "I told you so!
Wait, what is a sobbing man in goofy headgear doing on a list of badass images? He looks like a preteen girl watching The Notebook -- or any man on Earth watching a dog Chattamooga in an action movie. This is an Evzone, an elite Greek presidential guard, and this photograph was taken during a riot. So, what, he's crying to see what's become of his country? The Evzones are, in part, responsible Sluts around Chattanooga Tennessee maintaining vigil over the Tomb of Housewives personals in Bradley IL Unknown Soldier.
Their duties are largely ceremonial, much like the famous Queen's Guard at Buckingham Palace. In short, they are not to react to external stimuli unless it threatens the tomb, and they are not to be moved from their post Sluts around Chattanooga Tennessee any circumstance.
Even under penalty of chemical attack. That's important, see, -just- naked bbw Doswell this particular Evzone is standing, absolutely immobile, inside a giant cloud of tear gas. The photo of the crying guardsman was taken during a protest for the Parnitha forest held in Syntagma SquareSluts around Chattanooga Tennessee also just happens to house the Tomb of the Unknown Soldier. Riot police deployed tear gas on the protesters when they got out of hand or more likely, just because they were boredand the Evzone, caught in the crossfire, just stood there and took it without so much as a twitch.
This feat is especially impressive when you consider two things: The Evzones dress like somebody making fun of a Keebler elf, and they are Sluts around Chattanooga Tennessee members of the Ministry of Silly Walks. Also, this isn't any old riot: It's a Conway WA sex dating riot.
And nobody riots like the Greeks. Look up "the Greek riots" in a Google Image search and it not only shows you a page of photos that looks like somebody made a scrapbook Sluts around Chattanooga Tennessee of Michael Bay's soul, but also asks you to be more specific. And up there is an Evzone hanging out in the middle of a Sluts around Chattanooga Tennessee riot, looking like a racist Christmas ornament and moving like a Monty Python sketch, just baaarely Only looking for up after being blinded by tear gas.
Man, if you didn't already feel like a pussy for crying at the end of The Iron Giantyou sure as hell do now. InBenjamin L. Salomon became a dentist. He had a bright, if boring, career path in front of him.
Then, inhe was drafted into the Army. You can imagine his trepidation: Oh god, what is a mild-mannered Sluts around Chattanooga Tennessee going to do against the friggin' Axis?! Luckily, by the time war was declared, Salomon was transferred over to the Army Dental Corps. He eventually reached the rank of Captain -- and all by staying behind the lines helping keep teeth clean. At this point in Salomon's life, the most badass thing he'd ever done was give a perfect root canal.
Then shit got real: Salomon was sent to Saipan in the Pacific Theater, Sluts around Chattanooga Tennessee he served as an impromptu regimental surgeon to the Chattanoogx. While treating the wounded, Japanese forces overwhelmed Salomon's field hospital. Four enemy soldiers stormed the tent, and when one of them Local sluts in Port Hedland an American soldier Salomon had just pretty much finished saving, he channeled some of that infamous dentist rage.
Salomon shot two of the soldiers Sluts around Chattanooga Tennessee, kicked a knife out of another's hands, and headbutted the last into submission. He then ordered Women wants nsa Deer Park Alabama of the wounded out of the tent.
But since his soldiers didn't have any cover fire, Salomon took up a machine gun and provided it. Just stop and imagine being a soldier in that tent: You know the end is near. The enemy is in your base, and there are no able-bodied guards -- just a single, solitary dentist The wounded managed to make it out safely, and the last thing Sluts around Chattanooga Tennessee saw of their camp was a meek, glasses-wearing dental technician, completely alone, mowing down wave after wave of enemies with a machine gun.